Last post of 2011

Twelve. It's a weird number.

This will be a shifting turning sort of year for me. All establishing is twisting. I only see what the dawn will show grey indistinct things looming a head. They are a going around. There is no stopping the arbitrary passage.

All is well

All things will be well

121911

good bey
I'll miss the warmth of your eyes
I know you were only interested
 in how mine reflected you at yourself
I'm sad I know this
I want love
you stupid creature
love

tomorrow I'll let the phone die
even if you want back
there will be silence
a space to think in
 to hear the rotten of your thought

love me half as much as you love the sound of your own name
is that too much
be interested in me as I have been in you
is that a burden

blind me with your attention
no one else will
no one else will

there now
 it's been said.

blatanly bleary

I saw the phantom person again
it's that kind of life

Nonconformist Streak

Viking,

You caught me off guard a bit with your persistent desire to know me better. I practice a different philosophy regarding personal information than the people around us. I'm not hiding anything it's just I've come to believe that I will know what I need to know exactly when I need to know it. I don't have to seek out information people tend to tell me things without my solicitation all the time. Therefore I don't feel the need to present organized packets of information about myself. Besides I find myself to be boring and why would I subject you to mundane petty routine things?

If it's really that important to you to know me better there's plenty of information out already that you can read starting with my resume. But to expect me to hand you a story? That I refuse to do. It's my nonconformist streak that forbids it.

Obviously saying, "so, tell me about yourself" will get you no where. So, ask better questions you'll get better answers.

120111

I'm sure they’re on the edge of their seats waiting to see how I will explain what happened to them tonight. I don’t feel compelled to do it. Not in the way they most desire. There was a series of events that, in my mind, started the Sunday before. It was all par for this course and nothing truly horrific happened. Only we live with the consequences of others decisions it’s just how life is.

But if I’m to be completely honest it really started much earlier than Sunday. It started in an attitude that sprang up early in each of our lives. I see it clearly because I’m a natural observer. I have lived outside their norm my entire life. They like me best when they have my attention because they are selfish. Don’t worry I’m selfish too. The difference is I don’t use that as an excuse to be lazy I’m disciplined about it. 

Now I might confuse them into thinking I’m some wonderful amazing controlled person. I don’t consider myself to be that. It was a long ongoing process to get to this point. I had help. It’s hard to explain.