fear breath is short

the earth is here
the earth is here
remember it is here and it caught you

fear breath is short
fierce breath is deep and sharp
the breath that whimpers out
is the breath that tugs the heart

for the empty of faith
the empty of breath
what hope is there

when the soul is cracked
all is cracked

"fill it in," the fear commands
"cracks let out the light"

010713

feeling nostalgic for the freer days
nostalgia tastes like nougat
don't remind me of driving
driving only means more glare
glare is the look of disapproval
I've seen enough of that

040612

Nails across the chalkboard of my soul?
The great wet blanket descending form on high
stress worms churning in the gut for two hours
of my too short life
thanks to all who chose to go home
the awkward meeting was put on hold
I doubt I will survive another such pass
I’m saving up some money
making a plan
to escape this cage.

Back and forth, back and forth,
this ship rock me back and forth

When we are wrapped in cold wet cloth
nothing is good
it clings strangely
it smells weird
it is unwelcome

Back and forth, back and forth,
this ship rock me back and forth

It is a manipulative wet blanket
and it cost me three month of sleep
raised my shoulders to my ears
called me names behind my back
told me many lies
made me run
made me run
made me run

Oh yeah that happened.

feeling before midsummer

the velvet enfolded the couple
the couple
not the baby
the night velvet was warm
the couple was
frigid
don't ask me what happened
i was looking at the baby
the baby
not the couple
they had detached
it was warm
i've mentioned that

Written Some Time 2009

Snap at the still hour
crack at dawn
rumble tumble though the daylight
stillness by pursuit
nurse your calm.

I acknowledge that thanksgiving happened and I am thankful for everything. I'm thankful for all the projects I'm involved in. But the is a part of me which insists on rest. Perhaps it's because my mother was so busy during my childhood. I saw the strain it put on her and those of us around her. It's impossible to lead a balanced life just as ti's pretty much impossible to run a balanced economy.

I'm reminded of seasonality this time of year. I think of how Judeo/Christian/Muslim life has sabbath, a day devoted to rest. With Jews there was even a year of sabbath. We apply this to creative and academic work but not so much to corporate work. So many people would benefit from a sabbatical. Ironically, now, there are people who feel they are in forced sabbatical. they don't take advantage of unemployment. Instead of grieving this could be a time of renewal. Somehow the idealistic "hippy" dream isn't too far off. It's appealing, no "stress". well, we're good at making stress if there isn't any real stress.

Three Relaited Thoughts

We are manifesto
you are our potential
we embrace you.

As a child I was led by the nose
by the nose by the nose by the nose
As a child I was led by the nose
and I don't know where I go
where I go where I go where I went

Dear beloved government,
what have you done
with my only son?
put him in a box
and shook him really hard
that's all you've done.
no, you won't let him free
no, you won't let him grow
dear beloved government,
what have you done?

March 3, 2007

Tonight, I take a moment to remember the events of four years ago. I may have posted this before. I don't really feel like checking.

*Written the day my brother called home after disappearing for three days.*

Where are you my brother
my brother my arm
even my arm
my right arm
I watch we melt
my parents worst nightmare
three days in a tomb
and on the fourth he rose
on the forth day he rose
on the fourth
three days
and on the fourth
it's true he rose

Clouds part
the sea breaks
your cork bobs into shore
I want to raise you
inspect you in sun light
test you to see what you are
plain treasure
to be stored in my heart
my hart even my heart

I must assemble you
piece by piece
solder you together
with hot tears
polish you with the grease
of my unwashed hair
until you shine a jeweled thing
set in humble dob

Blazes

she sleeps best who sleeps well
I sleep best when I'm allowed
I'm not allowed anymore

just decide
it's easy

why the words are simple
but the effort
the effort swallows them
what is there to fear
I love
love
love

torn apart by circumstance
torn by choice
anxious
anxious for peace
longing for calm

driver drop me here
yes here in the woods
away from the concrete
out with the bears
I'll take a chance on emptiness

and I became the bones
the empty bones
begging the world to end
I can't stand to be empty any more
I can't stand the chipping
chipping paint

Cry of the Prarie Dog

*for 2 voices*

I am but a worried creature
I am but a worried creature looking up

is looking down on me
and up is looking down on me

off in a distant land

far from my colony

just like me
a squeaking fan sounds just like me

warning of approaching danger

the coming of an alien hand

and old and shunned
come to snatch the young and shunned

the fan squeaks because it is rusty

a sign of good neglect

I squeak because I'm hungry

danger yet overhead.
or there is danger yet overhead.

How to See What You Think of

(repeat the following until it means something)

Wot that wandering eye through frozen tundra dance
and second to the twilight's grace tripped the blades of grass
sharp as saucers slick as plates classy as cut glass
that wondering eye through tundra take the frozen dance.

slash slash grizzle pan butter on the ham.

120906

For the third time I don't know
I don't know just don't know
You know?

Lord, what is this?
Why the weirdness again?
See, I had hoped it wouldn't impede me
Oh but how impeded I am today

Mother Bear

061810
It's not. I protest. No clear reason to it
lay back you Advance I'll none of it tonight
shakily, sloppily argued through distemper
come again some other time ending in winter
why am I upright in my bed
I should be downright. Basitioned I think.

---

I've been called in by Mother Bear. Luckily this is Jem's turf and not Smilax. Expect reports soon. I really need to get up on my Kung-fu.

0726?09

it's not that you didn't try
no
it's more i didn't listen
and i kept on not listening
then you stopped speaking
i thought nothing
because i wasn't listening anyway

i knew it was empty
there was nothing
yes
then i heard a funny little grumble
deep in my head
there you were
it scared me
what were you doing in my head

every thing fell into place
the throbbing
the suffocation
the death
we hadn't danced together in so long
what was strong no longer functioned
no longer mattered
i could not stand

there was no voice
there was no hand
i was alone

memory

What do you remember?
I remember being a child seeing the hill side filled with flowers
I remember the neighbor dogs humid warm breath descending
I remember oranges and lemons
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember days of industry building tent palaces
I remember blanket hammocks and the cool breeze smell of eucalyptus
I remember the sea
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember the fog so thick buildings were shrouded five yards ahead
I remember hot days strung together desert wind chapped lips
I remember my shoes
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember traveling in a clan, road ill, stale air
I remember the night and swamp songs voices sound scape
I remember winter
This I remember
What do you remember?

052609
The faces were blank at first
the minds and eyes wandered
for the most part they said not a word
I was a bit disheartened.
My captive audience I feel I bore,
a failing in my entertainment,
desperation cast me here directing vain attention
unsuited though I feel.

052709
Me and the frozen peas
are holed up on the couch
they in case my arm
I melt them with my heat
then return them to re freeze
in two hours we will meet
in time we will recover
me and the frozen peas.

052809
Expectant faces inquisitive eyes
I hold the next move
anxious shy let go by the end
I'm flooded with questions
I can't keep up inventions occur
thirst weak voice dust
these shoes are all wrong
this bag anachronism.

030409

this morning I woke up
and bit into my apple
it taste like sawdust
soaked in sugar water

I wonder what happened
to that fabled fruitful flavor
the one that plunged this world
into darkness, sin and labor

my corn is soaked in petrol
it's such a greasy thing
it coats my digestive system
with light sweet crude

some day I'll be unburied
perfectly preserved
because of all the plastic
I inhaled with dessert.