Being Alone is Really Freaky

it's a cloud
no a mist
fabric?
this veil that separates me from the color of life
I nearly touched it once

how many times have I sorta died?
again to self I must be nothing

Um, the crazy thing about getting older is how conventional I'm becoming. I thought I could just be independent of all the cliches but I find myself "wanting" exactly what I've been told I should want. It all goes back to the fear we are born with. The one that doesn't want to be alone. The one that wants things a certain way because it's comfortable. So people ahead of us in life tell us that X is the answer. They are sort of right and sort of wrong.

Well, those who never struggle never grow. Isn't growth better than retardation?

(Woah! don't get prickly I'm NOT talking about special people I'm talking about spoiled brats, who are "special" not special. Gosh!)

The conventional things Americans are supposed to want that I happen to kind of want:
an awesome career
a house
a lot of really cool friends
power, duh
a spouse

This last one just got added to the list this year. I realized that it's the only way to have a permanent companion in life. I mean going into a convent isn't practical anymore, sorry nuns, and the thought of being alone is really freaky.