The Return of Mother Bear

Why does anticipation make me sick? I wanted to have a good chill kind of week but that is impossible now because of all the personnel changes going on ship-side. The original commander is returning and I'm grateful. But to loose Meat Ball and Dark Star is a heavy blow. I met Vanity the other day and I don't know what to do about her. Well, yeah there isn't anything really. Just gotta roll with it.

Kaj is very critical of Jello. I don't know what the point of it is. Yeah, he isn't personable and sure he treats us like slaves but ya gotta remember not every one can be a saint and he is definitely among the sinners. They all are lost and broken and looking at it from that perspective what right do I have to demand my pound of flesh? No, revenge and all that are impediments. I've had to divorce myself from other peoples feelings. Being naturally empathetic, I held feelings tightly to myself and they overwhelmed me. Now I've matured to the place where more of those feelings are going through me. I don't try to block them or hold them in. Both things have lead to pain. I'm not always successful.

I have lived though "interesting" times. I wish things were a wee bit less interesting. I plan to keep my head down and pants some people. My position is stable I can afford to cash in some "favor".

I was with the Flooders tonight they're a good group of people they feel like family now. It usually takes much longer for me to say that about people. I've come a long way.

I'm exhausted before I even begin. Maranatha.