9500

Doom approaches
my stable is unaccounted for
don't fancy me panicked
Smilax is avoiding me
how could I be anything but grateful
another time I will gripe

The good times come
they come in clumps of sugar
they dissolve in the rain
I am happy for the rain

Smilax is Angry

According to Jem; Smilax is angry that I'm Jem's ninja this job. Smilax does not metabolize disappointment well. I had a year to get over her shit she hasn't even stopped to realize she's broken. I'm not going to stoop. For our mutual benefit I hope she stays away from me. It saddens me how uncooperative and mean Smilax gets. The way she treats people just ignites my anger. There is no way for me to plan how I will react. The Boss will be very disappointed if I'm not careful with this.

So fare I'm on good terms with Mother Bear and I hope to keep it that way.

Boss, don't let Smilax's mind games get to me. We know what I tried to do for her. I tried to make her a better person. We know how she hurt me. Others know. Everyone knows she's unhinged. Hell, she even knows, but won't do anything about it. Help me look at her and feel nothing. At the very least let me say something on the lines of; "Thank you for making my life miserable for three years. That was fucking brilliant. I hope you have a nice day and if you'll excuse me I have work to do." There's no way to soften it she's already cast me as her nemesis. What did I do to get this? I was too honest. I tried to get through the dilution. Adversary has a strong little fort in that quarter.

071610

The water bottle has gone out of my ken along with the scissors the ones I had dedicated to paper. I'm quite lethargic with heat now the weather's turned a bit late this year. After the solstice we fry or broil. The solstice was a month ago. The out-of-towners were perplexed by the cloud cover but not vexed no fare from it. They come from the desert. Still this we have is damp heat. Completely different from the other kind. Both brutal, both cooking one way or the other. Frogs, we are frogs sitting in a kettle too lethargic to move.

I've found it difficult to choose a flavor for myself this season. At one time citrus and cream worked but I've outgrown the sugar. Craving cold and wet. This leaves me with water. But water is too simple you protest. At one time, before, I would have agreed and chosen what was expected of me. That was before the hard time. Before the deception was cracked.

You are yourself like no one. You needn't do or think or feel or say as any other. If you can't understand a trend then don't follow it. If you don't know what to do with the packaging then don't buy it. If it's going to cut you opening it is it really worth it?

No thing will make you happy. No purchase solve your problem. I can't find the water bottle no worries there are cups there are jars. I will drink deep of the water. I will be content.

For Now

For now I take what little runs across my path. Some day I hope to feed my village. To bring in the big protein. The protein is hard to get other villages horde so much of it my little band is afraid. We can't hold so much. We can't survive the way they do.

We've invented a thing we'll call it "religion" we'll use it to make sure we have some protein. In this system every one must share. MUST share.

Wouldn't you find it unjust to execute some one for being selfish? because you are so selfish yourself? No harm in it.

I'm going to take a nap. You won't wake me from it. When I get up I'll know everything. Everything I'll need to.