I'm a human right? I know how to flirt. I don't need my cloths to flirt for me!

I don't like the way the creepy old Philippino keeps looking at me.

life is good when you can breath
I forget that sometimes.

Jem talked to me

It saddens me, mildly, that Smilax is too proud to admit her fault. Jem talked to me today and told me how things are. It was clear to me when we had our last encounter that Smilax would shut me out.

Oh Smilax, your too proud to admit you need my help. You made a decision? It was your idea? Please. Really? You're not listening at all. You are unwilling to trust me or any one, including God (who you claim to trust.) You didn't pray with me. You didn't give me a chance! I'm deeply wounded.

Are you afraid of me? I couldn't live under your oppression. I was tiered of being afraid. I'm leaving it behind. Things are clearing up. That's why I tried to get you to listen. I'm not the only one who's tired of you. The rest remain silent to your face because they are afraid.

My father says I'm too conscientious. Perhaps that's true. At least my integrity is intact. At least no one will accuse me of mediocrity. I'm not two-faced or fake. These are things I've heard of you.

Are you a success if you're miserable?

I know it's your choice to be miserable. There isn't a thing to be done about it. Because you think you can take care of it yourself. Everything's under control. Ha! That's a joke, a lie. You don't control anything. You can't even control yourself. I know. I've watched you.

Until you get over yourself there's no help. You will call me I won't call you. I won't even write to you. You wouldn't understand anyway.

Birdie sent me a message

Birdie sent me a message asking me to come back.

Jem will be revealed to see my return.

Smilax sounded up-beat on the phone today. But, then, I did feed her the lines she wanted to hear. It's too soon to draw battle lines.

I'm not sure about the new people. From what Smilax said I assume she recruited them with her usual lack of screening which will anger Jem. I'm fairly certain she isn't using Jem because she never named her in our conversation. Grumbling will ensue. I wish to be sympathetic, a positive influence even, the agent I'm meant to be, but I've screwed that up twice already. We're a fortnight out from staking our positions.

I can't find the thing for Holiday as easily as I'd hoped and am afraid it's no longer readily available. I wish to finish her commission before things heat up with Smilax. Women.

That is a ways off. Tomorrow I extract information from the bank. I pray that it doesn't kill me.

sandwich

peanut butter
mustard
and cheese
with raisins.

Smilax

She wasn't the person I remembered but I could see she was trying to put motives onto my visit. Why not accept that I had friends and didn't need to explain my presence? No, that makes her exactly the person I thought she was. Again, how could I be wrong? Then I realized I'd have to ask her for a job. So I did have motives...

I walked away.

Timing has never been my strong suit.

0726?09

it's not that you didn't try
no
it's more i didn't listen
and i kept on not listening
then you stopped speaking
i thought nothing
because i wasn't listening anyway

i knew it was empty
there was nothing
yes
then i heard a funny little grumble
deep in my head
there you were
it scared me
what were you doing in my head

every thing fell into place
the throbbing
the suffocation
the death
we hadn't danced together in so long
what was strong no longer functioned
no longer mattered
i could not stand

there was no voice
there was no hand
i was alone

deep experiment

What if the Pope converted to Islam?

memory

What do you remember?
I remember being a child seeing the hill side filled with flowers
I remember the neighbor dogs humid warm breath descending
I remember oranges and lemons
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember days of industry building tent palaces
I remember blanket hammocks and the cool breeze smell of eucalyptus
I remember the sea
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember the fog so thick buildings were shrouded five yards ahead
I remember hot days strung together desert wind chapped lips
I remember my shoes
This I remember
What do you remember?
I remember traveling in a clan, road ill, stale air
I remember the night and swamp songs voices sound scape
I remember winter
This I remember
What do you remember?

recipe that works like a draem

This recipe is based on elements found in dreams. Take an illogical sequence of events insert people from high school and write it out in the style of a recipe.

Following is a short example:

Take Josh C. put him in a bikini have him run up the side of an overpass while reciting the Gettysburg address.

Enjoy.

the Quadrangle of Timjuanka

I sat biting spit bubbles on the couch, something I do to calm my mind. They were discussing the next day loudly, something I preferred not to be bothered with. It was her intensity and insistence on exacting promises that challenged my concentration and made me feel captive. The captivity was from a long time standing. And though I had tasted brief moments of slackening guard on her part, there had never been freedom. Ahh! freedom.

"One of you will buy the pizza." she said not making eye contact with any one. I wondered awkwardly who she was addressing. Her angry anxiety barely suppressed. "Dios mio!" I thought, "She will burst. What a mes that will be." She fidgeted around and moved a book two inches to the left on the coffee table after having moved it to the right two seconds before. "She must sleep now" I thought, "But if I say so it may cause her more anger." So, I hit her over the head with a Spanish/English dictionary. It knocked her out nicely and we dragged her up stairs. I wanted to tie her down but he wouldn't let me.

052609
The faces were blank at first
the minds and eyes wandered
for the most part they said not a word
I was a bit disheartened.
My captive audience I feel I bore,
a failing in my entertainment,
desperation cast me here directing vain attention
unsuited though I feel.

052709
Me and the frozen peas
are holed up on the couch
they in case my arm
I melt them with my heat
then return them to re freeze
in two hours we will meet
in time we will recover
me and the frozen peas.

052809
Expectant faces inquisitive eyes
I hold the next move
anxious shy let go by the end
I'm flooded with questions
I can't keep up inventions occur
thirst weak voice dust
these shoes are all wrong
this bag anachronism.

041909

It was bound to happen. Today Emma set the house alarm on while I was taking a nap. Luckily I figured it out before I tripped it or anything but I did have to wait an hour for Dada to get home and shut it off. You'd think I was the neglect-able pet or something.

Our main computer has been down for a month now. This is bad for business.

This auxiliary computer has annoying limitations.

032609

So inconvenient when the mother board dies.

So tiered from the long night.

I'm ok with how things are at the moment. Not too excited about going to the dentist. Who would be unless you have a crush on yours. They will tell me to floss.

I don't know what to eat for lunch.

I love cats.

There is something a little insane about my attraction to felines. No matter the mood of the cat I can't take my eyes of it. They seem to put up with it well.

I can't say the same for people. People freak me out. Don't get me wrong I'm not antisocial (any more).

I was at a salon today getting my hair trimmed, it'd been a year and a half. They made me wait an hour and as a free courtesy for making me wait so long they let me put paraffin wax on my hands. The heat was nice but now my hands smell sickly sweet and I want to sneeze. Maybe the sneeze thing is really a cold.

My corner of the world is cold. Why so much house and not enough heater? I shouldn't complain there's never any snow.

031009

Not all thoughts are earth shattering.

030609

I wish there was a bilingual option on Facebook.

After all this financial/economical crisis talk I've heard lately it reinforced my intolerance for debt and made me wonder if it's possible to run a business without ever taking out a loan. I think it's possible but I don't have tones of money to start a business with so I'd need to land donations or something. I'd also have to work with whatever materials I could get for free or cheep. haah! that's funny. I just realized that missionaries do this except it's about some larger altruistic thing and not, "Please donate to me personally so I can have a comfortable life. Oh, and you won't get anything for it either except the satisfaction of knowing you were above the system and kept a cool person from having to live on the street."

Wouldn't it just wreck everything if we gave each other money and didn't participate in the consumer society? Radical, I know. Would we be better for it? I don't know you'll have to think about it. Meanwhile could you give me $5? I'm trying to start a business.

030409

this morning I woke up
and bit into my apple
it taste like sawdust
soaked in sugar water

I wonder what happened
to that fabled fruitful flavor
the one that plunged this world
into darkness, sin and labor

my corn is soaked in petrol
it's such a greasy thing
it coats my digestive system
with light sweet crude

some day I'll be unburied
perfectly preserved
because of all the plastic
I inhaled with dessert.

recently made

recently made objects.