Dear cheap-ass-contractor-who-decided-swaping-out-parts-would-be-a-good-idea-so-you-could-save-$20-on-curtain-rods-of-all-things,
You suck. I hope a beam hits you on the head, your wife leaves you for a mail man, and your kid puts you in a cheap-ass retirement corral where you can appreciate the handy work of people who are just as selfish as you.
Thank you,
Monday, July 9, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
In This Box We Called a Room
In this box we called a room sat the greatest mind to be contained. This was the one thing we were to bear in mind as we left. I flit through once but the box was containing and I was a vapor then. Here’s the thing, we were expecting each other to be the answer to the other’s loneliness. But that failed.
I’m not an astronaut any more. I never wanted the stars.
Look, I’ll tell you this only once, never say anything serious in a bar. It’s just inappropriate. Make more mistakes. I should make more mistakes what’s there to lose anyway? I don’t plan on taking over anyone so don’t assume that I want you.
It was the rapidness of the disjointed thoughts that made it hard to sleep. She was exhausted in her soul. The tents were going up in three weeks and she didn’t want it anymore. It was an unacknowledged failing. Oh the misery!
She remembered his face all flushed with the whiskey, the whiskey that never lied. He was a silly person. He was not her answer. There was no answer in a man.
Don’t take her as bitter just a bit depressed. And though she would marry him she saw now the truth. He would remain a mixed blessing a constant exercise in patients, a discipline unto himself.
There is no rest in this life.
She got up from the bed and went to the kitchen for water because she could think of nothing else to do. While there she looked out to the street. It was quiet. It was calm. She could go but then what?
The coyote loped into view. He was beautiful as God intended. He was graceful as no other creature that night. He knew the answer but wasn’t going to tell her. As he crossed to the canyon behind the apartments she followed with her eyes. In her heart she knew victory for them was not winning but surviving. What do they endure?
She found herself putting on her running shoes. She only paused at the door a moment to consider the risk of wandering at night. Wasn’t it a greater risk to remain locked in? For her mind it was. The air was cool and invigorating off the desert the breeze was gentle caressing her face. She would walk with God and if he chose to protect her she was grateful and if he chose to test her she would accept that as well.
***
Jason’s brother was beside himself. Jason had never seen Mat so confused. “What happened?"
“I don’t know! Jay, she just left me a voice mail. Here, what do you think?”
“Mat, I’m following the coyote. I don’t know. It’s, I’m not sure anymore. Don’t panic I’ll be fine.”
“That’s it? You tried calling her?”
“Non-stop, she’s not answering.”
“Did you go to her apartment?”
“Not yet. Come with me. I don’t know what to expect.”
Jason thought of himself as a busy man.
“Hang on, right now?”
“I have to know. If we wait we might be too late. I mean what if she’s in trouble?”
“Fine, but you owe me.”
“Will you drive? I don’t trust myself.”
Oh, grow up! thought Jason. He had little sympathy for lovers having never experienced that class of connection himself. What, thankfully, came out of his mouth was, “Ok, but I want to get something to eat.”
***
It was decided that the night would be her teacher and that she would no longer fight for the attentions of the day. It was weighed out against the fear she always carried, the one that drove her out to begin with.
***
Jason was peeved so he took his ridiculous time getting to the car and driving to some fast food place and ordering food and getting on with things. Mat was anxious. He kept urging Jason to hurry up.
When they got to the apartment they knocked first but when no one answered Mat got the key he had and opened it. It was eerie. It was quiet and stale as if no one had been there for three days. In the living room everything was normal looking but the spirit had left. They went to the bedroom. There was a large nest on the floor, a nest? Anyway, she wasn’t there and there was no note. Her car was there in its place.
“Do I call the police?”
“Man, I don’t know.” The brothers looked at each other a long moment. It had been a long time since Jason had really looked at Mat. What struck him was how hurt he seemed and how young. Mat slumped down just outside the door and put his head in his hands and groaned. Still Jason was afraid to really get involved.
***
When she came to herself she was dirty and not really sure where she was or if time had passed. The smell of the chaparral reminded her of the sea. The sea reminded her of the end of the world.
***
There wasn’t much to go on. The detectives asked a bunch of questions but didn’t seem all that hopeful. They said it could take a day or two before anything turned up. Naturally Mat was in shock. He loved her deeply. The thing that worried him now was the wedding. It needed to be postponed. His grandmother had looked so forward to it. He would be the first to marry in her line. Except now that wasn’t true anymore.
Jason complained to his crazy friend Will that his brother was delusional. But the fact remained, Will reminded him, that she was gone and that, under any circumstance, was not good. Especially if it turned out she was dead because, if she was, murder was not fare from people’s minds. Had there been a fight?
Jason had no idea.
A week later Jason was walking to his car after a night out, a little fuzzy to this world, he saw her. Or he thought it might be her. What he saw was a wild woman dirty flashing eyes flit away behind a building. He was too afraid to follow. He called Mat.
“I saw her! I think.”
“What? Where?”
“On my way to my car.”
“Really? Wait, where are you?”
“I just left the Tower.”
“You were drinking.”
“Mat, this is not drunk talking. I swear I saw her.”
“What did she look like?”
“Oh. I’m not sure.”
“Don’t mess with me! You’re drunk.”
But now Jason had a point to prove he was positive he had seen her.
“Ok man, don’t believe me. But I know I saw her.”
The call ended. Now he had to try talking to her. She looked kind of dangerous. Except now he didn’t know where she had gone. Around the building he crashed but there was no one.
***
The night had shown her many things. But the night did not show her love.
***
Ok, man, think. Thought Jason, where did she go?
The security guard was surprised to find him staring at the mess of grasses in the ditch. There was a river down there.
“Excuse me sir, can I help you?”
“Did you see a woman go this way? I’m looking for my sister.”
“No sir.” The guard was pretty sure he was drunk.
“I thought I saw her.”
“Ok sir. Listen, there are a lot of homeless people by the river. Maybe you saw one of them.”
Jason sighed, “you’re probably right.”
***
Mat found Jason laying on the hood of his car his pants were muddy. He was passed out. No, he was crying. He hadn’t slept he said. The homeless guys by the river didn’t know what he was talking about. For that matter neither did Mat.
Mat hadn’t reported to work. He was going to lose his job. Jason was between jobs already and this was not helping either of them. Then someone’s phone went off.
“Hello, this is Detective Gonzalez with the [blank] Police Department. We picked up a woman today who we’d like you to identify.”
“Is she alive!?” yelled Mat.
“Just come down to the station.”
They didn’t know how to take that. So they went.
***
She’d been trapped now. She wanted to get back to the pack. They were calling for her. She thrashed at the bonds but they only held tight. The bonds were a metaphor. We trade so much to be bound. It all came down to belief. She no longer believed in them.
Then came the fire. It started in her arm it traveled to her head it felt like dying. She could not scream. All was purple then black.
***
Jason waited for Mat in the lobby of the hospital. He flipped through a magazine but it did not hold his attention. He started to play with his phone. He wished he was inundated with work. But there was nothing. He got up and went to the drinking fountain because he could think of nothing else to do.
There was a poster on the wall depicting some medical thing. It was a brain.
His brain was exhausted.
The thought invaded then that Mat, for all his outward concern, lacked a deep something. That perhaps he had killed her in his mind and she was dead to him and there would be no wedding for them ever. This disturbed Jason.
***
When she next knew light she was in a hospital room on a bed. The first person she recognized was Jason.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” he said back.
Then Mat entered and like a bad actor delivered his concern. They all knew he was faking it even the nurse and the random guy walking down the hall knew. She turned away in disgust. It was poignant and tragic, but no, Jason was still not in love.
It happened that they moved her to a residential place. The medications that were to connect her to reality weren’t working out too well. One issue was that no one could really tell what was real any more. Mat faded away, found another girl. Jason would visit once a week because he felt or thought that someone should. Her family were all somewhere no one was sure where. Jason was concerned that the family she had nearly joined was abandoning her it didn’t look good.
She told them it wouldn’t be long now. That the bread was developing in her lungs and she would die soon. No one seemed worried. Yet she did start having difficulty breathing. When Jason saw her that last time she was bluish and he told the nurse to do something. But the nurse was more interested in watching that infomercial about sharpening knives. He didn’t even look up to see who was talking to him.
Jason called a lawyer.
She died.
The autopsy revealed a fungal infection in her lungs. It had developed so far that it really did look like bread in her lungs. No one could explain how she knew. All the other patients were tested but only one other had anything like it.
Jason had a choice. Either he could fight for her memory, a woman he barely knew, or he could let this go and move on with his life. His friends were equally divided. Most didn’t want to say anything.
***
The coyote was chuckling at him on the stoop of his house. The house he bought because that’s what you do at thirty-five, right? He’d been thinking about her. How her death had changed his life.
“Mat, I’m following the coyote. I don’t know. It’s, I’m not sure anymore. Don’t panic I’ll be fine.”
He went to the door the see if the coyote would run.
She backed off the stoop and waited for him.
“No,” he whispered. “I can’t do this.”
She walked away in disgust. Mat was hyperventilating he had a distinct urge to slit his throat. He ran. But she was gone, so gone.
“Jason, help me!” was the last thing he remembered screaming.
I’m not an astronaut any more. I never wanted the stars.
Look, I’ll tell you this only once, never say anything serious in a bar. It’s just inappropriate. Make more mistakes. I should make more mistakes what’s there to lose anyway? I don’t plan on taking over anyone so don’t assume that I want you.
It was the rapidness of the disjointed thoughts that made it hard to sleep. She was exhausted in her soul. The tents were going up in three weeks and she didn’t want it anymore. It was an unacknowledged failing. Oh the misery!
She remembered his face all flushed with the whiskey, the whiskey that never lied. He was a silly person. He was not her answer. There was no answer in a man.
Don’t take her as bitter just a bit depressed. And though she would marry him she saw now the truth. He would remain a mixed blessing a constant exercise in patients, a discipline unto himself.
There is no rest in this life.
She got up from the bed and went to the kitchen for water because she could think of nothing else to do. While there she looked out to the street. It was quiet. It was calm. She could go but then what?
The coyote loped into view. He was beautiful as God intended. He was graceful as no other creature that night. He knew the answer but wasn’t going to tell her. As he crossed to the canyon behind the apartments she followed with her eyes. In her heart she knew victory for them was not winning but surviving. What do they endure?
She found herself putting on her running shoes. She only paused at the door a moment to consider the risk of wandering at night. Wasn’t it a greater risk to remain locked in? For her mind it was. The air was cool and invigorating off the desert the breeze was gentle caressing her face. She would walk with God and if he chose to protect her she was grateful and if he chose to test her she would accept that as well.
***
Jason’s brother was beside himself. Jason had never seen Mat so confused. “What happened?"
“I don’t know! Jay, she just left me a voice mail. Here, what do you think?”
“Mat, I’m following the coyote. I don’t know. It’s, I’m not sure anymore. Don’t panic I’ll be fine.”
“That’s it? You tried calling her?”
“Non-stop, she’s not answering.”
“Did you go to her apartment?”
“Not yet. Come with me. I don’t know what to expect.”
Jason thought of himself as a busy man.
“Hang on, right now?”
“I have to know. If we wait we might be too late. I mean what if she’s in trouble?”
“Fine, but you owe me.”
“Will you drive? I don’t trust myself.”
Oh, grow up! thought Jason. He had little sympathy for lovers having never experienced that class of connection himself. What, thankfully, came out of his mouth was, “Ok, but I want to get something to eat.”
***
It was decided that the night would be her teacher and that she would no longer fight for the attentions of the day. It was weighed out against the fear she always carried, the one that drove her out to begin with.
***
Jason was peeved so he took his ridiculous time getting to the car and driving to some fast food place and ordering food and getting on with things. Mat was anxious. He kept urging Jason to hurry up.
When they got to the apartment they knocked first but when no one answered Mat got the key he had and opened it. It was eerie. It was quiet and stale as if no one had been there for three days. In the living room everything was normal looking but the spirit had left. They went to the bedroom. There was a large nest on the floor, a nest? Anyway, she wasn’t there and there was no note. Her car was there in its place.
“Do I call the police?”
“Man, I don’t know.” The brothers looked at each other a long moment. It had been a long time since Jason had really looked at Mat. What struck him was how hurt he seemed and how young. Mat slumped down just outside the door and put his head in his hands and groaned. Still Jason was afraid to really get involved.
***
When she came to herself she was dirty and not really sure where she was or if time had passed. The smell of the chaparral reminded her of the sea. The sea reminded her of the end of the world.
***
There wasn’t much to go on. The detectives asked a bunch of questions but didn’t seem all that hopeful. They said it could take a day or two before anything turned up. Naturally Mat was in shock. He loved her deeply. The thing that worried him now was the wedding. It needed to be postponed. His grandmother had looked so forward to it. He would be the first to marry in her line. Except now that wasn’t true anymore.
Jason complained to his crazy friend Will that his brother was delusional. But the fact remained, Will reminded him, that she was gone and that, under any circumstance, was not good. Especially if it turned out she was dead because, if she was, murder was not fare from people’s minds. Had there been a fight?
Jason had no idea.
A week later Jason was walking to his car after a night out, a little fuzzy to this world, he saw her. Or he thought it might be her. What he saw was a wild woman dirty flashing eyes flit away behind a building. He was too afraid to follow. He called Mat.
“I saw her! I think.”
“What? Where?”
“On my way to my car.”
“Really? Wait, where are you?”
“I just left the Tower.”
“You were drinking.”
“Mat, this is not drunk talking. I swear I saw her.”
“What did she look like?”
“Oh. I’m not sure.”
“Don’t mess with me! You’re drunk.”
But now Jason had a point to prove he was positive he had seen her.
“Ok man, don’t believe me. But I know I saw her.”
The call ended. Now he had to try talking to her. She looked kind of dangerous. Except now he didn’t know where she had gone. Around the building he crashed but there was no one.
***
The night had shown her many things. But the night did not show her love.
***
Ok, man, think. Thought Jason, where did she go?
The security guard was surprised to find him staring at the mess of grasses in the ditch. There was a river down there.
“Excuse me sir, can I help you?”
“Did you see a woman go this way? I’m looking for my sister.”
“No sir.” The guard was pretty sure he was drunk.
“I thought I saw her.”
“Ok sir. Listen, there are a lot of homeless people by the river. Maybe you saw one of them.”
Jason sighed, “you’re probably right.”
***
Mat found Jason laying on the hood of his car his pants were muddy. He was passed out. No, he was crying. He hadn’t slept he said. The homeless guys by the river didn’t know what he was talking about. For that matter neither did Mat.
Mat hadn’t reported to work. He was going to lose his job. Jason was between jobs already and this was not helping either of them. Then someone’s phone went off.
“Hello, this is Detective Gonzalez with the [blank] Police Department. We picked up a woman today who we’d like you to identify.”
“Is she alive!?” yelled Mat.
“Just come down to the station.”
They didn’t know how to take that. So they went.
***
She’d been trapped now. She wanted to get back to the pack. They were calling for her. She thrashed at the bonds but they only held tight. The bonds were a metaphor. We trade so much to be bound. It all came down to belief. She no longer believed in them.
Then came the fire. It started in her arm it traveled to her head it felt like dying. She could not scream. All was purple then black.
***
Jason waited for Mat in the lobby of the hospital. He flipped through a magazine but it did not hold his attention. He started to play with his phone. He wished he was inundated with work. But there was nothing. He got up and went to the drinking fountain because he could think of nothing else to do.
There was a poster on the wall depicting some medical thing. It was a brain.
His brain was exhausted.
The thought invaded then that Mat, for all his outward concern, lacked a deep something. That perhaps he had killed her in his mind and she was dead to him and there would be no wedding for them ever. This disturbed Jason.
***
When she next knew light she was in a hospital room on a bed. The first person she recognized was Jason.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” he said back.
Then Mat entered and like a bad actor delivered his concern. They all knew he was faking it even the nurse and the random guy walking down the hall knew. She turned away in disgust. It was poignant and tragic, but no, Jason was still not in love.
It happened that they moved her to a residential place. The medications that were to connect her to reality weren’t working out too well. One issue was that no one could really tell what was real any more. Mat faded away, found another girl. Jason would visit once a week because he felt or thought that someone should. Her family were all somewhere no one was sure where. Jason was concerned that the family she had nearly joined was abandoning her it didn’t look good.
She told them it wouldn’t be long now. That the bread was developing in her lungs and she would die soon. No one seemed worried. Yet she did start having difficulty breathing. When Jason saw her that last time she was bluish and he told the nurse to do something. But the nurse was more interested in watching that infomercial about sharpening knives. He didn’t even look up to see who was talking to him.
Jason called a lawyer.
She died.
The autopsy revealed a fungal infection in her lungs. It had developed so far that it really did look like bread in her lungs. No one could explain how she knew. All the other patients were tested but only one other had anything like it.
Jason had a choice. Either he could fight for her memory, a woman he barely knew, or he could let this go and move on with his life. His friends were equally divided. Most didn’t want to say anything.
***
The coyote was chuckling at him on the stoop of his house. The house he bought because that’s what you do at thirty-five, right? He’d been thinking about her. How her death had changed his life.
“Mat, I’m following the coyote. I don’t know. It’s, I’m not sure anymore. Don’t panic I’ll be fine.”
He went to the door the see if the coyote would run.
She backed off the stoop and waited for him.
“No,” he whispered. “I can’t do this.”
She walked away in disgust. Mat was hyperventilating he had a distinct urge to slit his throat. He ran. But she was gone, so gone.
“Jason, help me!” was the last thing he remembered screaming.
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