life is good when you can breath
I forget that sometimes.

Jem talked to me

It saddens me, mildly, that Smilax is too proud to admit her fault. Jem talked to me today and told me how things are. It was clear to me when we had our last encounter that Smilax would shut me out.

Oh Smilax, your too proud to admit you need my help. You made a decision? It was your idea? Please. Really? You're not listening at all. You are unwilling to trust me or any one, including God (who you claim to trust.) You didn't pray with me. You didn't give me a chance! I'm deeply wounded.

Are you afraid of me? I couldn't live under your oppression. I was tiered of being afraid. I'm leaving it behind. Things are clearing up. That's why I tried to get you to listen. I'm not the only one who's tired of you. The rest remain silent to your face because they are afraid.

My father says I'm too conscientious. Perhaps that's true. At least my integrity is intact. At least no one will accuse me of mediocrity. I'm not two-faced or fake. These are things I've heard of you.

Are you a success if you're miserable?

I know it's your choice to be miserable. There isn't a thing to be done about it. Because you think you can take care of it yourself. Everything's under control. Ha! That's a joke, a lie. You don't control anything. You can't even control yourself. I know. I've watched you.

Until you get over yourself there's no help. You will call me I won't call you. I won't even write to you. You wouldn't understand anyway.